The Power of Prayer in Marriage

Note: Since our focus is on true Christian love this month, we decided to bring back this old favorite. It cites some surprising statistics, and gives some helpful suggestions on how to pray more effectively with your spouse. Enjoy!

Have you ever heard someone tell you 50% of all marriages end in divorce? That most of the marriages which do survive are unhappy? And that the divorce rate within the church is no better than the divorce rate in the world? Well, I have good news for you. None of those statements are true!

In 2014, a Harvard-trained researcher named Shaunti Feldhahn, published a book entitled "The Good News About Marriage". In it, she reported her findings from an extensive eight year study on marriage and divorce. According to Feldhahn:

The divorce rate of first time marriages is around 20-25%, and has actually been declining for decades.

Most couples are happy. In fact, 80% of those who have been married for 5 years or more report being happy.

The divorce rate among couples who attend church regularly is as much as 50% lower than those who don't.

You can read more about her study in this post at Western Journalism from a couple years back.

Another article by Dr. David Stoop cites an even more shocking statistic: the divorce rate among couples who pray together on a daily basis is less than one per thousand. That makes prayer an almost fool-proof way to secure your marriage! Unfortunately, he cites another statistic: only 4% of Christian couples actually do pray...

“Check out these marriage statistics for couples who pray together...”

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How to Get Started
Here's a few tips to help you get your partner to join with you in this vitally important practice:

1. Be hopeful. Don't use guilt to motivate your partner to pray with you. Rather, be positive and optimistic. Invite them with a smile. If they are unwilling at first, stay cheerful. Begin praying privately that God will work in their heart, and invite them again another time.

2. Start with a challenge. Join with your church in doing a 30-day marriage challenge or something similar. Making a commitment to do something everyday for the rest of your life can seem overwhelming. A shorter goal may be more appealing. And if your partner enjoys the experience, they may just want to continue.

3. Keep it short. People are busy these days, and trying to squeeze in an extra hour a day for prayer can be tough. So instead, ease into it, even if that means keeping it to 5 minutes a day or less. Refuse to hold your spouse hostage to long prayers. As prayer becomes a more regular part of your lives, the time may gradually increase, but let it happen naturally.

4. Be flexible. While it is best to schedule a regular time for prayer, and skipping days now and then is a sure fire way to break a good habit, stuff happens. Be flexible when your spouse can't meet with you, or wants to postpone/reschedule. A failure to be gracious in such situations will turn your prayer time together into a duty or obligation. Don't let that happen!

What Do We Pray About?
Some people feel uncomfortable praying with their partner, because their partner's prayers seem more directed at them than God. One way to avoid that is to learn how to focus on praying blessings.

“The secret to keeping prayer with your spouse joyful, is learning to pray blessings for your partner.”

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Don't whisper a word that might make your partner feel judged or condemned. If issues need to be addressed, find a different time to discuss them. Keep your prayer time as loving and supportive as possible.

Don't pour out your heartaches and anxieties. Your spouse may not know how to deal with that kind of pressure. Save those for your private time with God. He can handle any burdens.

Don't come with a long laundry list of personal requests. If there are one or two urgent matters that are important to both of you, don't ignore them. But don't make these your focus. Save them for private prayer time.

Rather, learn to pray blessings.

Thank God for qualities you admire in your spouse. Express gratitude for things they have done that you like. Celebrate the positive ways your spouse makes you feel. And then ask God to do special things for your partner: protect them, guide them, give them wisdom, success, happiness. Pray they would feel God's presence throughout the day--His peace, love, and joy. Don't just pray with them, pray for them.

Use your prayer time to practice focusing your mind on the most kind, caring thoughts you can muster. Eventually, those feelings will spill out from your prayer time into the rest of the day. And your marriage will be stronger and richer as a result!

Comments

Did you find the information in this post surprising? Did you find the suggestions helpful? How important do you think it is to bless your spouse? Please share a comment below.

Can you help by sharing this article with a friend?
Use this link: http://fast.st/263/

	Posted by Dan Vis on 02/21/22
	That's awesome Dianne. I'm glad these could help a bit. Glad you and your husband feel comfortable praying together. What a blessing!

	Posted by Dianne Knudson on 02/21/22
	My husband is away right now but we talk on the phone and do pray together. Thank you for the pointers—very positive helps for me!

	Posted by Dan Vis on 02/21/21
	That's great Knobloch! Glad you enjoyed this. :)

	Posted by Knobloch Dieter on 02/20/21
	Thank you, these words was very good for me!

	Posted by Dan Vis on 02/16/21
	Great point Carole, about remembering to ask God to prepare both of us for prayer. Glad you mentioned that! Some super good quotes in there Qing. Particularly 1) your point about honey and vinegar. 2) The superiority of praying blessings vs laundry. Who likes huge loads of laundry? 3) How neglecting private prayer, tends to cause us to squish too many personal requests over into shared prayer, in an unhelpful way. And perhaps most of all 4) the importance of keeping our focus on our own character transformation. Good stuff! Super glad that was helpful Carla! Keeping your shared prayers shorter, and shifting more of your requests over to your personal prayer time, will probably make your time together much more enjoyable to your husband. And thanks for committing to action. That's always where the blessings come! :)

	Posted by Carla Phillips on 02/15/21
	I enjoyed reading this and learned some valuable"prayer in marriage" advice. I always feel like I have to pray a long prayer with my spouse which is difficult for him at times since he comes home late and tired from work. The advice you have here about starting with a short prayer first and then letting it naturally become a longer prayer is great advice to . Thank you Pastor Vis 🙏

	Posted by Qing Ling on 02/15/21
	I agree Dan. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Better to pray blessings rather than laundry lists over your partner. We can also prepare ourselves for joint prayer time by praying in our personal closet for the eyes and heart of Jesus in ourselves. Be the change you want to see, right?

	Posted by Carole Bliss on 02/15/21
	I believe it's important to pray. I am a prayer coordinator. Not all spouses are at the same place, I am learning. As you say, even five minutes choice prayers, are a blessing. It's a good idea to ask Jesus to prepare both for prayer. He will bless that request. Blessings, Carole

	Posted by Dan Vis on 02/15/21
	Yes, Vim . So important to focus on each other's positive qualities as far as possible, isn't it? the more we can learn from, strengthen, and encourage each other, the better!

	Posted by Vim Chinhamu on 02/15/21
	As Jesus never focussed on our weaknesses, He always makes sure He utilises our strengths even during His ministry on this earth.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/17/20
	Valerie, if you scroll down to the very bottom of any of our articles, you'll see your custom link, with your personal id. If anyone clicks that link, you'll actually be able to see when someone goes to that link, and if they create an account, who they are. It's a pretty cool system. You can learn more in the share section. I'm just learning youtube myself, but many videos have a section below where the author can post links and notes about information contained in the video.

	Posted by Valerie Wise Burrell on 03/16/20
	Dan, I intend to provide a reference but how exactly can I do that? I am very new at creating YouTube videos so how do you advise that I can give a link back? I will look into it. So far, I have not yet made the video but will look into how to create a link for FAST.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/14/20
	Glad you like the suggestion Violeta. We really will get better results turning our prayer time together into seasons of blessings. And if we do have other kinds of burdens, we can pray those in private!

	Posted by Vio on 03/14/20
	A wonderful idea - to pray blessings over the spouse or praying appreciation, admiration. It sounds like restoration sessions both in the relationship with God and the spouse. And it's great to take time, maybe even efforts to focus only on the good and positive in the spouse in the busy, hasty, worrysome etc. everyday life.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/11/20
	Thanks for sharing Valerie. Always appreciate a link back if possible!

	Posted by Valerie Wise Burrell on 03/11/20
	Dan, I'm so glad that I read this today. I will share these positive statistics about marriage on my YouTube channel, Sharing my Planks. It just reinforces that the devil only wants to discredit what God created for us to enjoy. Thank you for the references as well.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/10/20
	Yes, you are right Tabitha. Though this class is focused on marriages, the principles here can and do apply to all our relationships. Good observation!

	Posted by Tabitha Phiri on 03/09/20
	Wonderful, I think this also applies to everybody including children and other people. Pray for blessings, loved it

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/09/20
	We should always try to use prayer to speak blessings over those we pray with, and avoid saying things that make them feel uncomfortable. To do otherwise is to sabotage one of the most important keys to a happy marriage. Thanks for emphasizing that point Michelle!

	Posted by Michelle on 03/09/20
	Very inspiring and insightful ,this is a good way to speaking positive words over your spouse life and yours as well.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/09/20
	Wonderful testimony JoAnn! What a blessing to hear how God has worked in your life. Marriage is definitely better when both partners keep Christ at the center!

	Posted by JoAnn Moon on 03/09/20
	It is so nice to hear good things about marriage! I can testify that praying together with your spouse daily is a huge blessing and it really does make for a happy marriage. My husband and I have had 29 years of a happy marriage and we believe that God brought us together and He is the answer to everything.

	Posted by Karen Williams on 02/05/19
	Thank you for the reports and suggestions. I have shared them on Whatsapp tour church groups. We hear too often the incorrect stats. I make sure to include the Fast website too, hopefully a few members of my church will join.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 02/05/19
	Congratulations Carole. And thanks for the reminder that marriage always requires, and is always worth, the investment of effort! I guess that means, Floride, we not only need to pray with/for our spouse but for all the couples in our church! Yes, Yetunde Odeyemi , it is encouraging to know that with sincere prayer we can have success in our marriages. But like you said, we must enter into it with the right mindset. Excellent point...

	Posted by Yetunde Odeyemi on 02/05/19
	Hi Dan, good to know that the statistics on divorce is not as woeful as we are made to believe. But most of all the knowledge that couples who pray together stick together is comforting and reassuring. Thank you for the suggestions. Marriage has to be entered into with the right mindset. Prayer works the way to every bit of success and maintains lasting connections in every sphere of life.

	Posted by Floride Leonce on 02/04/19
	Hi Dan, it’s so reassuring to hear about those statistics. I think that it’s the most rewarding experience to be able to pray with and for your spouse. As we (husband and wife) connect with God in prayer, we become connected to each other and, thus, will be able to stand strong against the attacks of the Enemy. I believe that prayer in our marriage is the key to true happiness. Unfortunately, not all Christian couples understand the importance of praying together for their marriage to stay healthy and last till death do them apart. That’s why the statistics about couples praying together are so low. May the Lord have mercy on us and make us realize that if there’s a time to pray about and in our marriage it’s Now. Thank you for another wonderful lesson!

	Posted by Carole Bliss on 02/04/19
	It was refreshing to hear these percentages in regards to successful marriages. Being married 56 years, I am still learning. I still need prayer for myself and my spouse.I like the idea to ask God to bless my husband. Thank you BLESSINGS. Carole

	Posted by Dan Vis on 02/03/19
	Super excited to open up our Made in Heaven class again for the month of February. Hope to see many in our community join in!

	Posted by Nancy on 10/31/18
	Connection with God, truly is the key. Prayer is our focus in our homes, marriages and life in general. Jesus is always the answer. This story is very important in society today..

	Posted by Lance Cutts on 09/15/18
	My wife and I will start praying together now daily,thanks for getting us focused

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/08/18
	Glad they were encouraging, John. I've known many committed Christians over the years, and almost without exception, I've seen them all stick it out year after year. There's no question Christ gives believers special grace!

	Posted by John Gilmore on 03/08/18
	Pam and Cristina, I love the connections you've made with oxygen and prayer. Who knows but we might be able to share those connections with our patients. Dan, thank you for the encouraging statistics, as for me they give yet more evidence that a closer relationship with God improves many facets of life.

	Posted by Pamela Kendall on 03/08/18
	Cristina another thought came to mind when I was reviewing my verses yesterday and Romans 8:26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. came up. You mentioned intercessory prayer being like "mouth to mouth resuscitation". Romans 8:26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. states that the Holy Spirit makes intercession for us with "groanings that cannot be uttered" - he prays and intercedes for us thus giving us "Mouth to mouth" so that we can then perform "mouth to mouth" on others by interceding for them. He breathes his breath into us to revive us so that we can then breathe it back out to others to revive them.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/07/18
	Glad this was a blessing Cristina! And yes there is wonderful power in prayers of praise. It is often the smallest portion of our prayer time, but in reality it is the most important. After all, that is the one aspect of prayer we will continue to be engaged in throughout eternity! Pam, I like your point about the preflight instructions on planes, and you linking the sweet savor Paul talked about to fresh air. Interesting way of extending this theme a bit further...

	Posted by Pamela Kendall on 03/07/18
	Cristina I love your extension of the prayer/oxygen concept to intercessory prayer being like hooking oxygen up to a struggling, fainting soul who is exhausted in the spiritual walk due to lack of oxygen (prayer, lungs diseased with sin) because they are breathing only the polluted air of sinful/evil surroundings. Great point! - I like the mouth to mouth illustration also! We are to be a breath of sweet fresh air - a "sweet savor of Christ" to all around us II Corinthians 2:14-1614 Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place. 15 For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ, in them that are saved, and in them that perish: 16 To the one we are the savour of death unto death; and to the other the savour of life unto life. And who is sufficient for these things? . Keeping our own lungs filled with the rich fresh air of prayer and communion with God will enable us to lift up and help others to the life-giving oxygen also. If our own souls are not getting the air of communion with God that we need we will be unable to help others. Like the preflight instructions on airplanes - "If there is a lack of cabin pressure - put your own mask on before helping your neighbor, seat-mate, child, etc put on his/her mask." I think we have a "loss of cabin pressure" constantly in this sinful world! The atmosphere of worldliness and sin all around us is never good enough to support spiritual life - so we must have our own masks on constantly (I Thessalonians 5:17Pray without ceasing. ) so we will be able to help others put on their masks II Corinthians 1:3-43 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. by intercessory prayer that God will fill them with the breath of his Spirit and revive there spiritual life!

	Posted by Cristina Bastos on 03/07/18
	This article is like showers of hope for the blessings reported! Thank you, Pr. Dan for sharing! Thank You all for the comments and powerful testimonies! Valerie and Pam I liked your ideas on oxygen and prayer! The concept of strengthening others by hooking them up to supplemental oxygen brought to my mind the importance of intercession prayer, like mouth to mouth resuscitation, to strength the spiritual walk of someone. I have had better times in my walk with the Lord and I guess I need to review my prayer life. A fresh supply of this special oxygen will have its effect for sure. :-) I also enjoyed the concept of focusing in the character of God in prayer, Pam! This is like a healing balm filling our soul with awe, love, admiration and I really have not all the words to describe it, so I make John's words mine, "Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us (I John 3:1Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.). Each one has to try this and enjoy it by himself. And it also brought to my mind that it can be quite powerful if applied toward our spouse, like Paul mentioned, focusing in their good traits - once I guess that we tend to focus in the negative - and leaving the difficulties for our private prayer time!

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/06/18
	Judi, glad we could share some helpful ideas. :)

	Posted by Merilyn Aveling-Rowe on 03/06/18
	Paul Thanks for sharing this. Practical and encouraging. Pam I love that quote thanks.

	Posted by Judi on 03/06/18
	Thank you for these thoughts on prayer in marriage. Even though my husband and I pray together every morning and evening, it's refreshing to have some new ideas. I especially liked some of the ideas on how to pray for each other. As for the statistics, I have believed for many years that someone went a county office and looked at the number of marriages, then went to the divorce court and looked at the number of divorces and that's how they got their numbers (say 100 marriages and 50 divorces). BUT they never looked at the people that did NOT get married or divorced that year. Another thing to consider on the divorce rate is why the divorce. Is it money, abuse, unfaithfulness, not getting along, lack of commitment. or another reason. All these things seem to get segregated most of the time. I take most of the mainstream statistics lightly because of things like this.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/06/18
	Anita, glad you enjoyed this! And yes, it's a memo and not part of the Made in Heaven class. Though it does go along with that doesn't it? We have several more memo's related to marriage this month coming up! Thanks for sharing that testimony Paul, of the power of this kind of praying. What a blessing and encouragement!

	Posted by Valerie Wise Burrell on 03/06/18
	Paul, what a loving tribute to your wife. Pam, I enjoyed reading how you applied my analogy of oxygen to what you do as a PT and to the walk of faith. This subject opened up some wonderful thoughts.

	Posted by Paul Carson on 03/05/18
	For my spouse and I morning and evening devotion via a reading (currently The Acts of the Apostles) is preceded and followed by prayer. We use the calendar day to determine which of us starts the reading and who prays the final prayer (I do the odd days and she the even days). My spouse is an astute woman of Grace who has for years prayed the fruits of the Spirit for me - as if I already have them - ie as a prayer of thanks. This is tremendously encouraging for me. With that sort of love of course I want to be and strive to be a better person. And we know that praying the promises of God make our prayer effectual in Christ. Glory to God!

	Posted by Anita Huffman on 03/05/18
	Well, never mind. When I scrolled back to the top, I realized this was the Monday Memo, not one of the Made in Heaven lessons. :)

	Posted by Anita Huffman on 03/05/18
	Beautiful, thoughtful readings. Thank you! I do not have to Mark As Read button for this one.

	Posted by Dan Vis on 03/05/18
	Thanks everyone for the feedback, and especially all the testimonies about how prayer has strengthened different marriages. So encouraging to read these! Can't wait to hear how it goes Dorothy Vance! :) So agree Carole about how we all need encouragement. What a great ministry to encourage others, and esp our spouses! Great quote Pam. Nice how you connected it with your work as a physical therapist. I hope you can restart that wonderful tradition with your husband Floride. Maybe some of the suggestions in the reading can help!

	Posted by Floride Leonce on 03/05/18
	I believe that praying with your spouse can not only bring you closer together, but also closer to God as a couple. My husband will have been together for 18 years this September, but as of last year things haven't going well between us. We used to have, in addition to family devotion every morning, a session of prayer once a week just him and me where we prayed for each other. That has stopped unfortunately and things have gotten worse. And I feel like even his spiritual life is suffering from that. I couldn't agree more with Pam for posting that quote of E.W. Let's continue to pray with and for our spouses.

	Posted by Deanna Dekle on 03/05/18
	Great suggestions.

	Posted by Pamela Kendall on 03/05/18
	Valerie I love your thought that "Prayer is the oxygen of the Christian walk." I am a physical therapist at a hospital and one of my main jobs is to help sick people get up and walking. Some of them have lung diseases and the normal air around them is not enough - they need supplemental oxygen. Without it they fatigue much too quickly and get short of breath with basic activities that don't fatigue people with healthy lungs at all. Our spiritual lungs are damaged and our earthly air is polluted and tainted with sin - it is inadequate to supply our needs and we fatigue with the most basic spiritual activities and are unable to progress in our walk with out "supplemental oxygen" - prayer. Prayer gives us the power and the endurance to not only walk but to run the Christian race and win the prize of eternal salvation and likeness to Jesus I Corinthians 9:24Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. . Now if I just remember that prayer is the breath of my soul every time I hook someone up to supplemental oxygen - what a great reminder it will be! Prayer is the breath of the soul. It is the secret of spiritual power. No other means of grace can be substituted and the health of the soul be preserved. Prayer brings the heart into immediate contact with the Wellspring of life, and strengthens the sinew and muscle of the religious experience. Neglect the exercise of prayer, or engage in prayer spasmodically, now and then, as seems convenient, and you lose your hold on God. The spiritual faculties lose their vitality, the religious experience lacks health and vigor.... {MYP 249.3} --------- As a single person I like to relate "marriage advice" to my walk with God Isaiah 54:5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. . I like the concept of prayers of blessing mentioned here. It reminds me of David's words in Psalms 103:1-21 Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. 2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: "Bless the Lord O my soul!..." He then goes on to list the blessings God has given him - the good qualities of the heavenly "Husband" Psalms 103:3-53 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; 4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; 5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's. . Of course we can and should take all our problems and concerns to God, but praise and blessing is an important aspect that is too easy to forget especially when we are stressed and troubled. Counting our blessings and praising God's numberless virtues will draw us closer to him and give us greater faith and trust that He is able and willing to help us with our trials and struggles also.

	Posted by Carole Bliss on 03/05/18
	Wonderful, practical suggestions. Its refreshing to hear divorce is declining. I love that our personal prayers with God is where we take all the deep things. Power of positive thinking is so important, I need to praise my husband more in word. We all need encouragement. During the time I am asking for a blessing at mealtime, which is when we pray together, I need to make a short prayer that includes a concern we both have. This has been a blessing. Thank- you, Carole

	Posted by Valerie Wise Burrell on 03/05/18
	This is a welcome post! It is so good to hear the good news about marriage for a change. It is also not surprising to learn that prayer is the key to making marriages work. Prayer is the oxygen of the Christian Walk.

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