Have you ever heard someone tell you 50% of all marriages end in divorce? That most of the marriages which do survive are unhappy? And that the divorce rate within the church is no better than the divorce rate in the world? Well, I have good news for you. None of those statements are true!
In 2014, a Harvard-trained researcher named Shaunti Feldhahn, published a book entitled "The Good News About Marriage". In it, she reported her findings from an extensive eight year study on marriage and divorce. According to Feldhahn:
- The divorce rate of first time marriages is around 20-25%, and has actually been declining for decades.
- Most couples are happy. In fact, 80% of those who have been married for 5 years or more report being happy.
- The divorce rate among couples who attend church regularly is as much as 50% lower than those who don't.
You can read more about her study in this post at Western Journalism from a couple years back.
Another article by Dr. David Stoop cites an even more shocking statistic: the divorce rate among couples who pray together on a daily basis is less than one per thousand. That makes prayer an almost fool-proof way to secure your marriage! Unfortunately, he cites another statistic: only 4% of Christian couples actually do pray...
How to Get Started
Here's a few tips to help you get your partner to join with you in this vitally important practice:
1. Be hopeful. Don't use guilt to motivate your partner to pray with you. Rather, be positive and optimistic. Invite them with a smile. If they are unwilling at first, stay cheerful. Begin praying privately that God will work in their heart, and invite them again another time.
2. Start with a challenge. Join with your church in doing a 30-day marriage challenge or something similar. Making a commitment to do something everyday for the rest of your life can seem overwhelming. A shorter goal may be more appealing. And if your partner enjoys the experience, they may just want to continue.
3. Keep it short. People are busy these days, and trying to squeeze in an extra hour a day for prayer can be tough. So instead, ease into it, even if that means keeping it to 5 minutes a day or less. Refuse to hold your spouse hostage to long prayers. As prayer becomes a more regular part of your lives, the time may gradually increase, but let it happen naturally.
4. Be flexible. While it is best to schedule a regular time for prayer, and skipping days now and then is a sure fire way to break a good habit, stuff happens. Be flexible when your spouse can't meet with you, or wants to postpone/reschedule. A failure to be gracious in such situations will turn your prayer time together into a duty or obligation. Don't let that happen!
What Do We Pray About?
Some people feel uncomfortable praying with their partner, because their partner's prayers seem more directed at them than God. One way to avoid that is to learn how to focus on praying blessings.
Don't whisper a word that might make your partner feel judged or condemned. If issues need to be addressed, find a different time to discuss them. Keep your prayer time as loving and supportive as possible.
Don't pour out your heartaches and anxieties. Your spouse may not know how to deal with that kind of pressure. Save those for your private time with God. He can handle any burdens.
Don't come with a long laundry list of personal requests. If there are one or two urgent matters that are important to both of you, don't ignore them. But don't make these your focus. Save them for private prayer time.
Rather, learn to pray blessings.
Thank God for qualities you admire in your spouse. Express gratitude for things they have done that you like. Celebrate the positive ways your spouse makes you feel. And then ask God to do special things for your partner: protect them, guide them, give them wisdom, success, happiness. Pray they would feel God's presence throughout the day--His peace, love, and joy. Don't just pray with them, pray for them.
Use your prayer time to practice focusing your mind on the most kind, caring thoughts you can muster. Eventually, those feelings will spill out from your prayer time into the rest of the day. And your marriage will be stronger and richer as a result!
Comments
Did you find the information in this post surprising? Did you find the suggestions helpful? How important do you think it is to bless your spouse? Please share a comment below. |
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Posted by Dan Vis on 02/21/22 - Coach | ||
| That's awesome Dianne. I'm glad these could help a bit. Glad you and your husband feel comfortable praying together. What a blessing! | |||
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Posted by Dianne Knudson on 02/21/22 | ||
| My husband is away right now but we talk on the phone and do pray together. Thank you for the pointers—very positive helps for me! | |||
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Posted by Vim Chinhamu on 02/15/21 | ||
| As Jesus never focussed on our weaknesses, He always makes sure He utilises our strengths even during His ministry on this earth. |
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Posted by Dan Vis on 03/17/20 - Coach | ||
| Valerie, if you scroll down to the very bottom of any of our articles, you'll see your custom link, with your personal id. If anyone clicks that link, you'll actually be able to see when someone goes to that link, and if they create an account, who they are. It's a pretty cool system. You can learn more in the share section. I'm just learning youtube myself, but many videos have a section below where the author can post links and notes about information contained in the video. |
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Posted by Dan Vis on 03/11/20 - Coach | ||
| Thanks for sharing Valerie. Always appreciate a link back if possible! | |||
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Posted by Dan Vis on 03/10/20 - Coach | ||
| Yes, you are right Tabitha. Though this class is focused on marriages, the principles here can and do apply to all our relationships. Good observation! | |||
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Posted by Tabitha Phiri on 03/09/20 | ||
| Wonderful, I think this also applies to everybody including children and other people. Pray for blessings, loved it | |||
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Posted by Michelle on 03/09/20 | ||
| Very inspiring and insightful ,this is a good way to speaking positive words over your spouse life and yours as well. | |||
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Posted by Dan Vis on 03/09/20 - Coach | ||
| Wonderful testimony JoAnn! What a blessing to hear how God has worked in your life. Marriage is definitely better when both partners keep Christ at the center! | |||
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Posted by Dan Vis on 02/03/19 - Coach | ||
| Super excited to open up our Made in Heaven class again for the month of February. Hope to see many in our community join in! | |||
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Posted by Lance Cutts on 09/15/18 | ||
| My wife and I will start praying together now daily,thanks for getting us focused |
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Posted by Pamela Kendall on 03/08/18 | ||
| Cristina another thought came to mind when I was reviewing my verses yesterday and Romans 8:26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. came up. You mentioned intercessory prayer being like "mouth to mouth resuscitation". Romans 8:26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. states that the Holy Spirit makes intercession for us with "groanings that cannot be uttered" - he prays and intercedes for us thus giving us "Mouth to mouth" so that we can then perform "mouth to mouth" on others by interceding for them. He breathes his breath into us to revive us so that we can then breathe it back out to others to revive them. | |||
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Posted by Pamela Kendall on 03/07/18 | ||
| Cristina I love your extension of the prayer/oxygen concept to intercessory prayer being like hooking oxygen up to a struggling, fainting soul who is exhausted in the spiritual walk due to lack of oxygen (prayer, lungs diseased with sin) because they are breathing only the polluted air of sinful/evil surroundings. Great point! - I like the mouth to mouth illustration also! We are to be a breath of sweet fresh air - a "sweet savor of Christ" to all around us II Corinthians 2:14-1614 Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place. 15 For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ, in them that are saved, and in them that perish: 16 To the one we are the savour of death unto death; and to the other the savour of life unto life. And who is sufficient for these things? . Keeping our own lungs filled with the rich fresh air of prayer and communion with God will enable us to lift up and help others to the life-giving oxygen also. If our own souls are not getting the air of communion with God that we need we will be unable to help others. Like the preflight instructions on airplanes - "If there is a lack of cabin pressure - put your own mask on before helping your neighbor, seat-mate, child, etc put on his/her mask." I think we have a "loss of cabin pressure" constantly in this sinful world! The atmosphere of worldliness and sin all around us is never good enough to support spiritual life - so we must have our own masks on constantly (I Thessalonians 5:17Pray without ceasing. ) so we will be able to help others put on their masks II Corinthians 1:3-43 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. by intercessory prayer that God will fill them with the breath of his Spirit and revive there spiritual life! |
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Posted by Cristina Bastos on 03/07/18 | ||
| This article is like showers of hope for the blessings reported! Thank you, Pr. Dan for sharing! Thank You all for the comments and powerful testimonies! Valerie and Pam I liked your ideas on oxygen and prayer! The concept of strengthening others by hooking them up to supplemental oxygen brought to my mind the importance of intercession prayer, like mouth to mouth resuscitation, to strength the spiritual walk of someone. I have had better times in my walk with the Lord and I guess I need to review my prayer life. A fresh supply of this special oxygen will have its effect for sure. :-) I also enjoyed the concept of focusing in the character of God in prayer, Pam! This is like a healing balm filling our soul with awe, love, admiration and I really have not all the words to describe it, so I make John's words mine, "Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us (I John 3:1Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.). Each one has to try this and enjoy it by himself. And it also brought to my mind that it can be quite powerful if applied toward our spouse, like Paul mentioned, focusing in their good traits - once I guess that we tend to focus in the negative - and leaving the difficulties for our private prayer time! |
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Posted by Merilyn Aveling-Rowe on 03/06/18 | ||
| Paul Thanks for sharing this. Practical and encouraging. Pam I love that quote thanks. | |||
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Posted by Dan Vis on 03/06/18 - Coach | ||
| Anita, glad you enjoyed this! And yes, it's a memo and not part of the Made in Heaven class. Though it does go along with that doesn't it? We have several more memo's related to marriage this month coming up! Thanks for sharing that testimony Paul, of the power of this kind of praying. What a blessing and encouragement! |
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Posted by Anita Huffman on 03/05/18 | ||
| Well, never mind. When I scrolled back to the top, I realized this was the Monday Memo, not one of the Made in Heaven lessons. :) | |||
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Posted by Anita Huffman on 03/05/18 | ||
| Beautiful, thoughtful readings. Thank you! I do not have to Mark As Read button for this one. |
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Posted by Pamela Kendall on 03/05/18 | ||
| Valerie I love your thought that "Prayer is the oxygen of the Christian walk." I am a physical therapist at a hospital and one of my main jobs is to help sick people get up and walking. Some of them have lung diseases and the normal air around them is not enough - they need supplemental oxygen. Without it they fatigue much too quickly and get short of breath with basic activities that don't fatigue people with healthy lungs at all. Our spiritual lungs are damaged and our earthly air is polluted and tainted with sin - it is inadequate to supply our needs and we fatigue with the most basic spiritual activities and are unable to progress in our walk with out "supplemental oxygen" - prayer. Prayer gives us the power and the endurance to not only walk but to run the Christian race and win the prize of eternal salvation and likeness to Jesus I Corinthians 9:24Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. . Now if I just remember that prayer is the breath of my soul every time I hook someone up to supplemental oxygen - what a great reminder it will be! Prayer is the breath of the soul. It is the secret of spiritual power. No other means of grace can be substituted and the health of the soul be preserved. Prayer brings the heart into immediate contact with the Wellspring of life, and strengthens the sinew and muscle of the religious experience. Neglect the exercise of prayer, or engage in prayer spasmodically, now and then, as seems convenient, and you lose your hold on God. The spiritual faculties lose their vitality, the religious experience lacks health and vigor.... {MYP 249.3} --------- As a single person I like to relate "marriage advice" to my walk with God Isaiah 54:5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. . I like the concept of prayers of blessing mentioned here. It reminds me of David's words in Psalms 103:1-21 Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. 2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: "Bless the Lord O my soul!..." He then goes on to list the blessings God has given him - the good qualities of the heavenly "Husband" Psalms 103:3-53 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; 4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; 5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's. . Of course we can and should take all our problems and concerns to God, but praise and blessing is an important aspect that is too easy to forget especially when we are stressed and troubled. Counting our blessings and praising God's numberless virtues will draw us closer to him and give us greater faith and trust that He is able and willing to help us with our trials and struggles also. |
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Posted by BELIEVE DHLIWAYO on 11/03/17 | ||
| I found this amazing helpful and an eye opener on how to pray with a spouse. Please pray for us as we learn to pray together with my wife | |||
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Posted by Musa Sibisi on 03/26/17 | ||
| Merilyn,thanks for praying for me in FAST, your prayers have helped me to be renewed in strength. Your prayers have changed my life. I will pray for you as I do. Please pray for my marriage, to be strong and to grow in the Lord. Pray for my wife Nozipho Sibisi,she was once a member in FAST but has discouraged, she seems weak in prayer. Please pray that the Lord will strengthen her. Nothing too hard for God, Jeremiah 32:27Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me? |
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Posted by Gloria Bernard on 03/13/17 | ||
| The very verse of Scripture that came to my mind was the one Elizabeth mentioned, Hebrews 10:16This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them; That verse came to my mind, when I woke up in the morning and told God that I wanted to make memorizing His word a way of life. |
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Posted by Sherry Olson on 03/06/17 | ||
| I Peter 3:1-61 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. I used to call my husband of 37 years an unbeliever, however, since I quit trying to do the work of the Holy Spirit, and now lift him up in prayer, I can see he believes but he told me that he has a hard time giving control of his life to anyone else (I let him know that by not choosing God to be in control, he is choosing to let Satan be in control). He now let's me read the Bible to him when we have time in the mornings, we pray at meal times, and at bedtime; love the suggestions for praying blessings over them. I told God I want it to be the three of us together on this journey, I believe I was praying with the wrong motive for a long time, wanting God to change his heart to make my walk with God easier :) Keep praying; and I remember what Ellen White said about our actions speaking louder then our words, kind of what 1 Peter 3 is saying. When we pray it gives God permission to work in their lives, be fervent in your prayers, they avail much when you do. |
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Posted by Gloria Bernard on 03/06/17 | ||
| I have been praying for him, and I do thank you all, for your prayers. | |||
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Posted by Marvin Rich on 03/06/17 | ||
| I too am blessed in a Godly marriage. Prayer is the glue that holds it all together. I thank God for all His Blessings. Without Him I wouldn't be where I am today. | |||
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Posted by David Armstrong on 03/06/17 | ||
| praying blessings? As in requests to God for specific blessings on so-and-so? What would some examples be? | |||
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Posted by Juliette on 03/06/17 | ||
| This is some good stuff! I'm going to apply these tips to my prayer time with my kids too! | |||
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Posted by Lionel on 03/06/17 | ||
| Gloria, I believe in miracles! Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, 'More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of.' We, too, will pray for your husband. I encourage you to subscribe to a free email package to receive a daily email of tools (only for one week) to improve your marriage and bring you closer together as a couple. These will be sent out daily during Marriage Week. (Marriage week (Aust) starts the 2nd. Sunday in September.) Over the course of the week you will receive seven emails, each containing a set of ten Sweet Somethings. On that day you will be encouraged to try at least three of the ten. Each will contain a variety of suggestions of (for example) something to say, something to do, something to be grateful for, something to read, something to discuss, etc (there are seventy of these altogether). This is totally free and you can subscribe or unsubscribe anytime, however emails will only be sent out during Marriage Week. If you print the emails you will have a resource that you can use throughout the remainder of the year, selecting and utilising others from the list or using the list to give you ideas for togetherness that you can personalise as your own. The link is www.lrhartley.com/togetherness My wife and I began our shared prayer journey in our courtship days with the mutual agreement that God would always come first before each other. This commitment has brought us closer together as a couple. In my younger years my own mother would often say, "The family that prays together, stays together." Simply praying for and loving your husband is a greater Christian witness that debate, argumentation, persuasion, leaving literature around the house or fretting over his salvation. Put him in God's hands - there are no better hands in all the galaxies. There is only one way to push a person; and that is AWAY. Jesus said, (John 12:32And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.) that when we lift Him up (through our behaviour, our prayers and even occasionally our words) He will do rest. Thank you, Dan, for your timely choice of topic. |
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Posted by Gloria Bernard on 03/06/17 | ||
| My husband at the present time has no desire to know Jesus. He learned evolution in college, and it's going to take a miracle of God to remove that lie. | |||
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Posted by Jill Macgillivray on 03/06/17 | ||
| I should have mentioned we have had nearly 45 years of happy marriage together, all praise to the Lord. | |||
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